Friday, January 11, 2008

A Middle Aged Woman on Being Unwanted

Where is it we learn that our self worth is not based on other people’s opinions? Is that something we learn very young? If we missed that original class, is there some place we can take a make-up class? Like summer school maybe?

Sometimes I cannot read my own emotions. Most of the time I cannot read my own emotions. I try to think of who I am and what my opinions are. My opinions seem to sway with the wind.

One question I have had forever it seems like, is does the depression come first, or the thought that no one wants me? Is it the depression making me wish I could take a forever nap, or is it every time I realize I am not wanted.

When you’re my age, being wanted or not shouldn’t matter, but God how it does.

2 comments:

Danielle Blogging for Balance said...

Oh I so know what you mean...we need to take a walk my friend and talk ;)...my brother and I used to have this conversation that we were always unsure of how the 'true' us really felt about things. We often felt like chameleons, changing how we thought about things as the situation required. Later we learned it was how we were able to survive in early childhood. The exact place where we also learned that our self worth was all tied up in our parent's opinion of us. Very murky water to wade into but it is where I have been for the past few days. For me it is not taking a nap but getting in the car and driving forever. It's a terrible feeling to not feel wanted...a dark hole of nothingness. Although I am presently in the same place, I hope you know that I am thinking of you and closing my eyes with you in the hope that 'this too shall pass' and we will be on the upswing again.

Disillusioned said...

Very interesting thoughts - got me thinking so much I posted in response to this on my blog.