Active suicidality means you have means and a plan. Passive suicidality means that you are thinking about suicide, or have a vague idea around a plan, or you are setting up circumstances to execute some plan if you need to...I believe you referred to it as a "back door". The average person doesn't think this way. It's a problem. Get counseling.
This was a response I read to a question a reader had asked this doctor on a website.
I had never before heard of passive suicidality. I have thought that way for years. My depression has never lifted 100% since I first began suffering with it. Even during my “good” times, I have always kept in my mind that if it ever gets too bad and I just cannot stand it any longer, I can “get out”.
I honestly never thought that this thinking pattern was abnormal.