Friday, November 03, 2006

Women Who Grow Beards ...Just For The Fun Of It

Gosh!
Durn!!

If I cursed, I’d say more.

I have just read a post on a blog


http://neonataldoc.blogspot.com/2006/11/moustache.html

that I read every single day. I love the blog. I have learned a lot from this guy’s posts. But durn....I am appalled this morning.

On this post, he wonders if one of his NICU babies’ mom could not have done something to “hide” her mustache. Gee....wonder if she hasn’t thought of that?

I wonder if she has never noticed the stares or the snickers the goobers of the world have sent her direction? Reckon she doesn’t KNOW she has facial hair that is usually reserved for the opposite sex?

Come on fellow earthly humans....do you really believe for a minute that women with hirsutism ENJOY having it!?!?!

When I met my oh so handsome husband 6 years ago, I was terrified at the thought of the first time he ever stroked my face. Petrified by the worry of what he would think when he finally did. I thank God that he was not shallow like a lot of seemingly intelligent people seem to be, otherwise he would not have gotten to know me. He would not have hung around and grown to love me. He would not have proposed and married me 3 years ago. He would not have seen the woman behind the hair.

I have had a beard since I was 17 years old. You remember....17...a time when what people thought of you meant so blooming much? I also have broad shoulders and other characteristics more suitable for a man. I didn’t ASK for them, but I have them.

I did NOT put in my order to have junk going on that would cause snickers and stares and comments to be made toward me, but I got them. I didn’t request it take me five years to conceive, but it did. I didn’t ask for the other maladies that go along with PCOS but I have them.

Would these same goobers laugh and poke fun of a woman who was born missing an arm? Would they laugh at the guy who was born blind? Those things are just as “different” as a woman with hirsutism.

You know one thing though? There is one very important thing I learned from having hirsutism that presented itself at such an early age...you will NEVER, EVER hear me make fun of another person. Not for any reason. It never ceases to amaze me how some very intelligent and otherwise nice people can be so....well....ignorant.



PS...To Kelley - Hon I have thought no more about anyone who commented on that post. I promise. At my age, I have learned to take such things with a grain of salt because a lot of time words are take then wrong way, etc. I hope your dear son never has to hear or see any crude people as he ventures out into the world, but chances are he will. His mom will prepare him and help him to see when someone is being kind of ignorant about his disabilities, that they are the ones with the problems, not him. Take care.

To Wendy Lou....Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad the lazer worked well for you. I would willing to bet my last dollar that your lessons in life have led to a kind, caring lady. Next time someone mentions you're "spoiled"...just grin and let them think you are. Leave 'em guessing!

7 comments:

Kelley said...

I feel compelled to talk to you now. You may think I'm being sincere and you may thing I am full of it but I had to say this. I was NOT in ANY way, laughing at the woman with the moustache. I was laughing at the never ending drama from people going on and on about the poor NICU mothers and this and that. I PROMISE. Now, on the responses, I got accused of saying things that I didn't say and accused of insinuating things that I had no intention of doing. I'd NEVER laugh at another human either. I've got a little boy with Down Syndrome and I've got myself braced for the ignorance of others. His blog NEVER ceases to amaze me with the drama it pulls. You can read both of my responses and I never once ridiculed the woman...other people would have one think I did by pointing my name out specifically, but I did not. I was ridiculing them and they just didn't catch it. I do love the docs posting but I have to admit, I love it the most for the entertainment value in the responses. Anyway, I'm sorry if I came off as rude or insulting to you. I would never want you, or anyone else, to think I was laughing at you as I just wouldn't find it funny to begin with.

Anonymous said...

I just read your post over on NeonatalDoc. I totally agree with you.

I don't think that people understand what women with beards go through.

I shaved every day from about 18 until I got lazer treatments 3 year ago. Since then, I can get by with a bi-weekly total face wax.

Before the lazer treatments, I would not go to the dentist because I did not want them seeing my skin that close. DH was wonderful, but it was nice to no loger have to "hide" my shaving. It was SO embarassing to have that.

I just hate all the hair. My skin changed in pregnancy, and it was super painful and left scabs.

I too have emotional wounds from the hiritusm. It is deeper than the hair. The comment, stares, looks are very painful. I still wonder if people are staring at me.

I mentioned to someone that I spent $40 every 2 weeks on waxing. She was appalled and implied I was spoiled. If she only knew.

Demented M said...

I like the blog you're referencing, but sometimes...it just seems that some of these medical bloggers have their medical 'goggles' with the bonus 'elitism' spray-on coating on (you know, like beer goggles). I'm not sure some of them see things from any other angle than their own. It's a tunnel vision that makes empathy a blindspot.

I think some of these doc blogs assume their readers are all their peers when some of us are actually potential patients. I find it intimidating (and disheartening) when doctors blog about how they negatively perceive their patients because of x or y, particularly when I have zero control over x and y.

M

oncRN said...

want me to curse for you? i happened upon your original comment on the other site and i had a definite swell of 'you go girl'. well said, as usual.
good to see you're back.

Anonymous said...

I, too, am a slave to the razor! I spent at least two hours every day tweezing to avoid shaving, but finally gave in. I tried laser, but am one of the unlucky women with a red tint to my blonde hair, so the laser won't affect it. No matter that we know there are millions of women just like us, it is still something that I am too embarassed about to let anyone know. My worst nightmare?...something happening to me that puts me in the hospital for more than 24 hours, and I am not able to shave!
Thank you for posting this blog and reassuring me that I am not alone.

Jeanine said...

I am 19 years old and have had facial hair since i was 12...
I am engaged and have not yet told him... i lie to him about being afraid of having someone else in the shower with me...
I have tried waxing and i am not able to do it because i am allergic to wax and im not able to have laser because of my skin type...

Please help???

Surgeon In My Dreams said...

Jeanine,

I can only tell you what I would do, or have done, in my situations.

My husband who I met 10 years ago, I was so afraid of the first time he would touch my face, beucase I knew he would feel it, so I wrote him a letter explaining hirsutism to him and told him I suffered from it. That put the ball in his court.

He either cared for me for who I was or he would be a shallow person who would let something like that stand between us in which case I didn't need him in my life to begin with.

Someone who will be bothered by something like that, that I couldn't help, would be willing to be ugly about other things too and I had already been through that with husband number 1.

I still have never shaved my face in front of another human being, and probably never will. He knows what I am doing in the mornings when the bathroom door is closed, and thats fine. I have however asked him if I ever wind up unable to do it for myself because of illness or accident or something, to please take care of it for me. Of course he lovingly agreed.

I guess what I fel is it boils down to I wouldn't want a man in my life who would think differently of me because of something I cannot help.

You're welcome to email if you like...
just for fun today at gmail dot com

Just squish all that together with no spaces and email away if you'd like to talk further.

Surgeon in My Dreams