(and other incredibly stupid things people say!)
Have you ever made that comment, or heard someone else say this when reading about a wife being abused or murdered by her husband or significant other? If so, have I got news for you.
Most women do not enjoy being hit. Most women do not enjoy being belittled. Most women do not enjoy being forced to do things in the bedroom that they are not comfortable with or that they feel are degrading.
Most women do not enjoy being called names. Most women do not enjoy not being free to see her family and friends. Most women do not enjoy.....
Friends, I could go on and on. For me, the name calling was worse than the slapping and pushing and hitting. The “oink oink” sounds made at me when I walked through the room did more damage to me than the bruises that eventually went away.
For those of you who say, “Why do women stay with men who hit them?” there are several answers.
Some women made youthful mistakes and married way too young and have no education and MickeyD’s just won’t pay the bills.
Some women have been “beaten down” to the point, both physically and mentally, that they think they are stupid and useless and would never survive. They feel they deserve no better.
Some women were brought up in abuse, and in turn “seek out” (unconsciously) men who will mistreat them. They think it is normal. I imagine that sounds farfetched and hard to believe, but I didn’t “get it” until I was in my late 30’s. I thought everyone lived the way I did.
Some women stay for “religious” reasons. Thinking that the abuse is their lot in life, or that divorce would be “wrong” in God’s eyes.
Some stay “for the kids”.
Some stay because “he” tells them he will kill them if they try to leave.
Some stay 24 years and never reported it the first time, because they know it would be twice as bad when the police leave.
I told two people, years ago. One was his father, and I had the “proof” on my face when I told him. The other was my (much) older sister. They didn’t want to get involved. More “proof” that I didn’t deserve any better.
There are lots of reasons why women stay. None of them include enjoying it...or deserving it.