Thursday, February 12, 2009

Granny, Holey, Period Panties

Snort. I laugh just typing that title in.

I have loads of panties. All cotton and all colors. All Granny Panty style. There ain't no thongs to be found in my house. No butt in my house meets the requirements of a thong.

I have what I thought was an average number of panties, probably around 12? Is that normal - average? Panties are just not what I think about when I am out hurriedly doing my shopping.

I also have a few rag-tag pair I refer to as my Period Panties. (Only God knows why I still need them. I had thought all my life that once the hot flashes started the periods ended, but nooooooooooo, according to my Gyn this could go on for ten years.)

Anyhow, back to the Period Panties...I have a few pair that I keep just for that purpose, you know, so I don't ruin my GOOD Granny Panties . Some of my Period Panties are just sad looking. Okay, most of them are very sad looking. Some even have a hole or possibly even a failing piece of elastic.

This morning, I reach in my Granny Panty drawer to grab a pair and all that is left in there is one really frail pair of Period Panties. (It has been a very busy and stressful week and laundry has been placed on the back burner.) I mean my worst pair. I mean there is a hole where part of the sticky strip on the Feminine Napkin is supposed to stick. (No more tampons for me - my female innards went shopping for new real state some 2 - 3 years ago. Tampons just aren't comfortable any longer.)

I guess when I threw them back in the drawer after the last laundry I must have been thinking about the economy, afraid I might have to buy more Granny Panties to replace Period Panties or something. So, this morning, I put them on since the option of going au naturale' is not acceptable what so ever.

I just noticed that I seem to be a tad sore Down There. I can't think for the life of me think why & then I remember the panties. Evidently the area with the hole has twisted things around and caused a little fleshy area to become irritated.

Au naturale' is beginning to sound better and better, but what if I have a wreck on the way home? I'm not sure which would be worse...having the ER staff laugh at a fat middle aged chick wearing NO undies, or laughing at a fat chick with holey Granny Period Panties.

Decisions… Decisions… Decisions…

Yeah...I'm coming back.
I don't think Wellsphere is interested in me anymore.

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