Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Impossible Questions

My heart is breaking. My shrink says I need to get friends and relatives to stand behind me and to support me right now. (Not financially, but emotionally.) My world isn’t like that. I don’t have anyone like that.

She said she doesn’t believe the counseling is going to change anything in my marriage. She believes it is I who must decide if I am going to be content to live in a brother-sister relationship. She asked me if I like him and enjoy his friendship enough for that to be a reason to stay. She asked me evidently what she thought were several key questions and I guess my answers said to her I will be the one to make this decision.

I am not good at decisions. I can do business decisions well. I can make decisions at work well. I was a good decision maker when under extreme pressure as a cop, but emotional/relationship decisions I have never learned to do. I don’t trust my judgment in those situations.

If I ended this marriage I am afraid I would be consumed with guilt. He is nice. He is very sweet. Very laid back. He has some health issues, some financial woes. I don't know he could make it off one income.

I don’t know who I am. I have always been someone’s mom or someone’s wife. I lived with my parents until I was 15, then with my 1st husband for 24 years then I was alone for 5 months before this one moved in. I've never been alone.

I've never. met. me.
For the source of the picture used above right click on it.

1 comment:

Disillusioned said...

I wish I had something profound to say, something which would make sense of how you are feeling and make it all better.

I really wish I did.

I don't.

I'm sorry.

I have some idea of how you are feeling and wish you didn't feel that way - heck, I wish nobody had to ever feel that way.

Please be safe.