Sunday, May 11, 2008

Silence = Depression ?

I’ve been trying to observe myself from “outside myself”. There is a word for that, but I can’t think of it right now. I find I have lost my words a lot lately.

I seem to have decided that talking takes more effort than I am willing to put forth. Unless someone says something to me – I don’t talk. I have noticed that my husband does not seem to be a talker either. I guess that means I have been initiating all the conversing, along with all the sex, for the past 7 years? I had no clue.

I don’t want him to think I am mad at him. I’m not. I just have nothing to say. It is not just him either. I don’t talk at work except when I have to.

I think sometimes I would prefer to live alone. If I lived alone, neither he nor I would feel any pressure to speak.

I wonder if he hates being with me. It cannot be easy being with someone who is down so much of the time. I used to try to put on a front and pretend to be “up”. Like talking, that just seems to require more energy than I have anymore.

I wonder if my first husband of 24 years thought I was weird or if we were just weird together and had grown so accustomed to it that we no longer noticed it.

I wonder if there is such a thing as Sudden Onset of Adult Muteness?

3 comments:

Catherine said...

I am perfectly content to be mute for days. Many times the sound of my own voice grates at me.

cuddcudd said...

We seem to be in the same boat. I like silence, I like to be quiet and I generally don't talk a whole lot. I've come to accept that I have grown into this, and have long since determined that maybe this is not a bad thing.

A very wise person once told me that 'silence is a virtue'. I have carried this gem of wisdom with me for 12 years now.

Raine said...

I calls these times my " I jusst dont have any words " times