I went to my shrink. I took a copy of an online bipolar test that I had taken with me. He asked some questions, discussed my uncle who hung himself in his 40's when I was nine. Doc seems to agree that I am probably bipolar and have been this entire time I have been treated for depression alone. Misdiagnosed for 15 years.
The average number of years for a person with bipolar to be treated in error for depression is 10+ years.
He put me on Lamictal and doubled my Cymbalta. I've been on the Lamictal for 2 weeks and 2 days now. Very slow titration. So far I have had a few ulcers in my mouth but no other symptoms so I haven't called him. Seems there is this rather nasty and dangerous rash 1 in 10,000 people get from Lamictal.
I have my fingers crossed that the blisters don't get worse and no other side effects present themselves. I really want this to work. I really am ready to be normal.
If you were to look back through my BLOG, bipolar sure would explain some of the dumb things I've done over my lifetime.
It also explains why sometimes I can sit down and the words just pour out of my fingers like fluid and sometimes I couldn't put two good sentences together if you held a gun to my head.
Having such a diagnosis pinned on you is still embarrassing since that stigma still exists, but it also explains just enough that I think maybe I wasn't as horrible a person as I thought I was; and that is a load off my shoulders.