Monday, November 27, 2006

My Love Affair with Cigarettes

I have smoked some type of MENTHOL cigarette since I was 13 years old except for two 9 month periods of my life when I was pregnant. Even then, it was not out of the goodness of my heart that I quit, it was mainly the fact that it was so hard to smoke with your head in the toilet for hours at a time.

I have not had one since Sunday (yesterday as I write this) November 26 at 10:10am (on my way to church). I told my Heavenly Father if He would have me quit, He was going to have to take them from me because I am too weak to lay them down. They are too closely connected to my depression and it is almost like letting go of a friend to whom I have turned for comfort for the past 33 years.

I slept most of the day yesterday so it wasn't so hard, but today I am at work and I keep thinking all the "junkie" thoughts:

"I am 46...the damage is already done. I may as well go ahead and enjoy what time I have left".

"Who cares if I can't get on the treadmill and breathe at the same time!?!"

"Do I really want to sing in the choir this badly?"

"What if it makes my depression worse?" I guess this one is the main one for me right now.

Friends, if you pray - please do. If you don't, send me some warm fuzzies or dark chocolate - either one will do.

1 comment:

Brittney said...

How's it going? I've been begging my mother to quit forever, but she hasn't taken me up on the challenge yet. My sister has, my can do it too!

You'll care when you can't get on a treadmill and breathe at the same time. I have my days I can't walk around campus without getting out of breath. I'm 24. I know how it feels to live with lung problems (severe asthma), and it ain't fun. Never taking walking and breathing at the same time for granted. I've learned this. Your making a good choice.

The damage may be done, but you can prevent more damage by quiting now. You can even reverse some of that damage! Go for it!

Consider this your warm fuzzies for the day. I would have commented earlier, but I just found your blog. :-)