I have smoked some type of MENTHOL cigarette since I was 13 years old except for two 9 month periods of my life when I was pregnant. Even then, it was not out of the goodness of my heart that I quit, it was mainly the fact that it was so hard to smoke with your head in the toilet for hours at a time.
I have not had one since Sunday (yesterday as I write this) November 26 at 10:10am (on my way to church). I told my Heavenly Father if He would have me quit, He was going to have to take them from me because I am too weak to lay them down. They are too closely connected to my depression and it is almost like letting go of a friend to whom I have turned for comfort for the past 33 years.
I slept most of the day yesterday so it wasn't so hard, but today I am at work and I keep thinking all the "junkie" thoughts:
"I am 46...the damage is already done. I may as well go ahead and enjoy what time I have left".
"Who cares if I can't get on the treadmill and breathe at the same time!?!"
"Do I really want to sing in the choir this badly?"
"What if it makes my depression worse?" I guess this one is the main one for me right now.
Friends, if you pray - please do. If you don't, send me some warm fuzzies or dark chocolate - either one will do.