Deep and Dark

Its so dark. My body will only go in slow motion. I am crying 70% of my waking hours. I wake a million times a night. Hopelessness is all I see in front of me.

I cannot stand to talk; Idon't even feel "real" most of the time. Try and explain that to someone. Now I am supposed to go back to work Tuesday and I don't know how I can manage. I can't afford to lose my job. I've been there 10 years - just long enough to make decent money for someone with no education. Not to mention my day is at a desk so that is easy on my back.

I feel so helpless and hopeless.

I would never do it on my own, but God how I wish I could just die without embarrassing or hurting anyone.