A Visit to the Shrink

I broke down today and made an appointment with my shrink.

This is not "just" depression. This has got to be bipolar. I asked him a year ago could I be. He asked if I had lost my families money on spending sprees or gone to jail for wild behavior and I said no and he said that I must not be bipolar then. From what I've read, your manias do not have to be that "high"to be considered bipolar.

I really don't care what the title or the diagnosis is...I just don't want to be taking a pill and it be the wrong one. I just don't want to have to start finding ways to convince myself every single day WHY I should continue to live, and I'd really like to have better control over these other little troublesome tid-bits that have popped up lately.

According to the articles from the journals that know...most people with bipolar are misdiagnosed for an average of 10 years. The reason is suspected to be that when a bipolar person is manic they don't go to the doctor to complain. Only when we're depressed do we "see" something is wrong. Most bipolars who are on only anti-depressants do not find relief from them. I know I've been from one to the next to the other over this period of 15 years. If they work at all, they stop after anywhere from 1-3.5 years.

I have taken 3 or 4 online tests and they all point to bipolar. Having now read what to look for, how in the world did I miss this all these years? How many times I have said to myself, "I can't believe I said that" or "I can't believe I did that". Those things weren't me...I just thought I was losing my mind. Maybe I still am, but at least now I'm pretty sure it has a name...kinds of makes it less shameful when you have a reason for going crazy hunh?